Premise: The Résumé of an IT professional is the most concocted document in this Solar System. The English language has a variety of words to differentiate a fib from fantasy.  Here are some words to describe the inexactitude in such IT resumes and a sample of such creative fabrication:
Note: Comments are in italics

BS (Bull Shit): I am a Software Engineer with many years of industry experience (The word “many” used to inflate an indefinite period as infinite)
Anecdote: I was on-call production support for 2 years (Did you miss the notice of termination that was sent in the mail?)

Cock-and-Bull Story: My summer in-plant training included programming for CNC machines (How many times CNC machines are programmed by a novice?)
Concoction: I have 7 years experience. 3.5 years in Basic and 3.5 years in C# (It must be amazing to exactly split the number of years of experience required)
Crap: I have 3 years experience with 6 different 6-month projects. (All projects are based on an interstellar anomaly where time is available in exactly 6-month packets)

Drama: I single-handedly established the Management Information System for a medium sized corporation. (Need we say more?)
Fable: I was a member of the core-team that implemented Online Mosquito Repellant Spray Reorder System. (And it should include, “We slew the dragon”)

Falsehood: I worked in the simulated version of the Production environment. (An original fake)

Fancy: My first job was the Senior Searing Chief Consultant (SSCC) of flash fried rectangular parallelepiped legumes (Yeah ….French Fries).
Fantasy: I worked for NASA (New Acres Selling Agents inc.) in their ACS (Area Calculating System). (Still every kid dreams of NASA, Pokemon and Hopscotch)

Fib: I have thorough knowledge of Miscellaneous System Administration. (Huh! Miscellaneous)

Imagination: I have worked with Python. Also have a little experience with Cobra (Should be CORBA).

Improvisation: I prepared and ran custom demos and tests for major customers to provide proof of functionality and performance (Isn’t that your job?).
Invention: I was trained in Windows 2007 (No such thing exist)
Lie: I am an honest individual with a special inclination to creative work (…and the nose grew longer)

Myth: I am a hardworking software engineer. (One screaming oxymoron)
Story: When I was working as Senior Systems Analyst, I was made in-charge of all application designs. (And there was Intelligent Design)
Tale: There were 150 people working under me. (Interesting place to work, I would say)

Terminological Inexactitude: I know COBALT (One Problem: Does not expand to Common Business Oriented Language). Worked in the Identification Division and Environment Division. (It’s all identified as gas)

Untruth: With all my Education, Experience and Expertise, we were able to deliver a quality product (Note to reader: Replace “With all” with “In spite of ”)

Hello newcomer, did I say welcome to ShanKri-la yet? Before you move on, just wanted to thank you for visiting and we hope you come back and see us again!

If you enjoyed this post, get regular updates with our RSS Feed!