Pedro Report: Fib..Fabrication..Fantasy

Premise: The Résumé of an IT professional is the most concocted document in this Solar System. The English language has a variety of words to differentiate a fib from fantasy.  Here are some words to describe the inexactitude in such IT resumes and a sample of such creative fabrication:
Note: Comments are in italics

BS (Bull Shit): I am a Software Engineer with many years of industry experience (The word “many” used to inflate an indefinite period as infinite)
Anecdote: I was on-call production support for 2 years (Did you miss the notice of termination that was sent in the mail?)

Cock-and-Bull Story: My summer in-plant training included programming for CNC machines (How many times CNC machines are programmed by a novice?)
Concoction: I have 7 years experience. 3.5 years in Basic and 3.5 years in C# (It must be amazing to exactly split the number of years of experience required)
Crap: I have 3 years experience with 6 different 6-month projects. (All projects are based on an interstellar anomaly where time is available in exactly 6-month packets)

Drama: I single-handedly established the Management Information System for a medium sized corporation. (Need we say more?)
Fable: I was a member of the core-team that implemented Online Mosquito Repellant Spray Reorder System. (And it should include, “We slew the dragon”)

Falsehood: I worked in the simulated version of the Production environment. (An original fake)

Fancy: My first job was the Senior Searing Chief Consultant (SSCC) of flash fried rectangular parallelepiped legumes (Yeah ….French Fries).
Fantasy: I worked for NASA (New Acres Selling Agents inc.) in their ACS (Area Calculating System). (Still every kid dreams of NASA, Pokemon and Hopscotch)

Fib: I have thorough knowledge of Miscellaneous System Administration. (Huh! Miscellaneous)

Imagination: I have worked with Python. Also have a little experience with Cobra (Should be CORBA).

Improvisation: I prepared and ran custom demos and tests for major customers to provide proof of functionality and performance (Isn’t that your job?).
Invention: I was trained in Windows 2007 (No such thing exist)
Lie: I am an honest individual with a special inclination to creative work (…and the nose grew longer)

Myth: I am a hardworking software engineer. (One screaming oxymoron)
Story: When I was working as Senior Systems Analyst, I was made in-charge of all application designs. (And there was Intelligent Design)
Tale: There were 150 people working under me. (Interesting place to work, I would say)

Terminological Inexactitude: I know COBALT (One Problem: Does not expand to Common Business Oriented Language). Worked in the Identification Division and Environment Division. (It’s all identified as gas)

Untruth: With all my Education, Experience and Expertise, we were able to deliver a quality product (Note to reader: Replace “With all” with “In spite of )

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2 Responses to “Pedro Report: Fib..Fabrication..Fantasy”

  1. K-IntheHouse July 28, 2007 at 1:15 pm #

    Welcome back Pedro!

    That is hilarious! I think you have seen way too many resumes. 🙂

  2. AJones August 4, 2007 at 4:58 am #

    The Truth Is Out Here!